Child Of Radiance

This...

The bio itself? No problem. A spelling and grammar error here and there but nothing offensively bad.

Why, though, why in the name of all things good and holy, by Pelor and Avandra, do you need to specify that your character is a futanari?

For all those not familiar with the term, Google it at your own risk. BRB, BIO takes no responsibility for minds broken and marriages annulled.

For best effect and fun for friends and family sign all your written correspondence with ((Note: Futa)). You'll confuse the hell out of everybody and maybe, just maybe... Love will blossom.

Lemmy Hurtchu

This... Wow.

I clicked onto this name expecting a laugh, or at least a small chuckle. I am honestly somewhat worried at this point.

By far one of the most cryptic things I have ever seen. I'm presuming someone knows. If you do, don't tell. Just don,t. I'm not sure I even want to know.

Thorin TheArbolester

Yes, gentle readers, you did in fact read the title of today's post correctly.




Thorin Thearbolester. Or so it would seem. In fact his screenname is capitalised to become Thorin TheArbolester! Cunning. Despite having been born into a medieval world and gone to "Paladin School" (aah, good old PSU. I remember it like it was yesterday, the halls, the armour clad lecturers, the first-day hazing being burnt at the stake... Good times) Thorin was not quite old enough to know the difference between good and evil. Precocious child, apparently. Not QUITE precocious enough to not join up with a bunch of snake-men who slaughtered his schoolmates...

Then again, we are talking about a schoolchild here. Once he found out the cult were going to eviscerate his teachers he was probably chomping at the bit to join up.

Additionally, despite a medieval upbringing in a school for zealous warriors of God and childhood in a snake-worshipping cult, he has found time for a strong background in science. God knows MY interest in science was first sparked by insane snake cultists. It's like a rite of passage, really.

All in all a well developed, strong and well thought out bio.qw

Ch-ch-changes!

In response to a strong lobby on the City of Heroes forums, to show I am not the malevolent monster I would appear to be and instead am approachable and just, and enjoy many of the same activities as you do, I have renamed the blog.

Credit goes to forum cartel Zekiran_Immortal, whose brilliance and wit apparently transcends gender.

Many Flags

Greetings to you all, and I hope your holiday of choice has been enjoyable and fun.

There's honestly not a great deal one can say about this biography. We clearly have here an individual who is on a level of brilliance far beyond our ken. Timid questions from lowly hoi polloi are met with cold disdain. One whose tempeture has reached critical level has no time for such Earthly concerns!

Those who would approach him in the guise of a mere superhuman are callously cast aside. "RP=LAME" he intones, a hand cast imperiously to a corner of the earth where he cannot be subjected to your foul presence. Just to drive home his point as you dejectedly drag yourself from his sight he activates his legendary Gay-Dar and lo and behold! It points squarely on you, peasant.

In a truly magnanimous show of generousity, however, he will allow you to regard his divine visage and will in fact enlighten seekers as to the origin of his looks. "I am sparta Insect!" he declares, kicking a passing pedestrian into a bottomless pit. "Insect PVE, Robo Insect, Roman Suit!" He is not bound by physical laws of appearance. His final visage is so heavenly, so perfect, that for us to gaze upon it before he has worked upon it we would be struck utterly blind.

I barely survived my encounter with him. Such tempeture... It was far too critical for such as I.

Bloodshade

A double update today in celebration of the holiday season, and also to pad my blog post count before I send it to people.

Sending "hay look at my blog" to people when you have 2 actual content-bearing posts is rather embarrassing. It tends to result in a lot of "... and?" coupled with light punching.

So in celebration of the time of ham, tinsel and terrible CoH bios comes Bloodshade.

Let us take a list, shall we?

• Truebreed Wampyre, purebred Kindred. Now, I like a game of World of Darkness as much as the next socially-malajusted Goth kid but come on.
• Bloodsucking demon BUT SHE'S GOOD HONEST. Guardian of humanity, not like those other vampires.
• A Daywalker. Not only do we have a WoD fanboy here, but one who has watched too much Blade. Business as usual, then.
• Godwin's Law. Nazis = drama!
  
• Not only is she a purebreed Daywalker vampire, she's a Japanese ninja girl. Now, I adore ninja girls. My dreams of a night are haunted by the soft bounce of black-jumpsuit clad breasts, the glint of moonlight reflecting off shining steel and silent eyes, the dark spectre descending in the middle of the night for ancient rites... Umm. Ninja girls. Yes. Nice but overplayed.
• Seeks revenge on the Council. Now, there's nothing wrong with the blending of the CoH mythos into a backstory, but here we encounter that most dastardly of clichés - the bad guy who is really, truly good, honest, just utterly misunderstood.

Now, any one of these on their own does not a bad bio make. Not necessarily a brilliant one, either, but it doesn't truly offend the sensibilities. Here, though, we have a purebreed Daywalker Nazi-hunting Japanese ninja girl vampire. When your character's synopsis includes more than 2 or 3 adjectives it may be time to step back and beat yourself soundly across the temples.

As an aside, here is the character in question.

The Jury rests.

Post-script: You know, I just happened to notice. Bloodshade. Heart of Darkness. Ultimate Rumble Time Gang Rogues. If you're going to attempt to drench your goth-culture chimaera of a creation in fabricated drama you could at least be consistent about it.

Maiden Of Bones

And after our last rather ho-hum entry comes this absolute gem of bad biography. A veritable symphony of awful writing.

Now, it could be that this biography is in fact a cutting satire on the state of modern comic writing. It could be that with his child-like manipulation of language, grammar and spelling he is in fact poking fun at the child-like manipulation of background, motivation and drama that plagues the pages of heroic stories.

Alternatively he could be an illiterate with a fondness for raep. The world may never know.

Death Angel Lazel

A fairly tame one to start off. Apparently death angels who will bring the world to their knees look like hipsters. They only bring worlds you haven't heard of to their knees.

They were into bringing this world to its knees before you even knew about it, but now everyone's doing it.

Welcome!

Welcome, one and all, to the City of Morons! Those among you who are avid players of NCSoft's online roleplaying game City of Heroes have probably seen some of the best and worst the game has to offer with regards to your fellow players. That well-designed, subtle, excellent costume with an amazing background story contrasted with the Random button monstrosity with the poorly-worded, spelled, proofread and thought-out biography.

We here at City of Morons are here to pay homage to those paragons of poor design, those soldiers of stupidity, those champion cretins, the worst that City of Heroes has to offer in biography, design and concept!